Monday, September 14, 2009

When and how do I tell the person I'm dating that I have a chronic illness?

Having a chronic illness is a difficult reality to accept because chronic is characterized by an ailment that is consistent or recurring. Included in this category are illnesses such as Parkinson’s disease, Cancer, Lupus and Multiple scleroses to name a few. An interesting statistic from the National Health Interview Survey show marriages have a hard time sustaining when one person is suffering with a chronic illness. With 1 out of 2 Americans affected by a chronic illness, chances are your next partner will be battling a condition as well; nevertheless the divorce rate exceeds 75 percent. For single people who suffer from chronic illnesses the focus is not sustaining a relationship but rather how to establish a happy and healthy relationship while in the midst of battling their disease.

Imagine swallowing tons of pills daily or carrying needles everywhere you go for injections. Sounds irritating and cumbersome but to the sufferer of chronic acute illnesses, this has become an inevitable reality. The first step towards having a healthy passionate relationship is to accept and understand your disease. The time will come when you will have to explain your condition to the person you’re dating so educate yourself with resources like the Center for Disease Control and be prepared to answer questions. Joining a disease management program is a good gesture because it offers advice on how to control your disease and most offer support groups. Seminars are held throughout the metro Detroit area for individuals who are battling a variety of sicknesses. The techniques learned in such programs will aid in the challenge of getting others to understand what you are going through.

Many people prefer to keep silent and reveal only on a need to know basis. Support is critical for a person with a chronic illness because there are low points when the strength of a loved one will be the only thing carrying you through. If you are dating someone, eventually you will need to tell him/her that you have a condition. However, it is not strategically wise to reveal the delicate details of your life on a first date. Many first dates are inadvertently the last date so telling all of your business during this first encounter is like telling the mail courier, the milk man, the stranger you met in the elevator and pretty much anyone you come in contact with. Instead, get to know the person you are dating by having light conversations. Save the heavy talk for a moment in your relationship when you have graduated to a more intimate level. If you give the relationship time to blossom, you will yield a more sincere response when you finally decide to have that heartfelt conversation. Another reason to withhold the fact that your health is compromised is to avoid sending the message that you’re sick and needy all the time. Many individuals who suffer from chronic illnesses lead normal lives and statistics show only a small percentage of the people have a condition which is visible.


After your relationship transcends from casual to exclusive you will have reached a different level of communication. By this time, you will have identified traits about your lover such as soft spots and uninterested subject matters. When you have gathered the courage to have this conversation, choose an evening when you both are in a laid back mood. The topic is too serious to discuss for the first time while you’re in a slap stick silly mood. Be open about your feelings and stern on what you will expect from your lover should the relationship continue. It’s best not to wait too long to have this conversation because your lover needs to know what they’re getting into and should be allowed to make a conscious decision on whether to deal with the situation or not. For example, if your illness has taken away your ability to have children, you will need to tell the person you’re dating before you ever reach the point of discussing the married family life. You don’t want to expose yourself too soon but you also don’t want to lead a person on. Many people with chronic illnesses lead happy normal lifestyles and have only a few things that are off limits. If the person you’re dating is as caring and understanding as you think, it will be an easy transition from not knowing about your condition to becoming your primary support. However, if the relationship cannot bare the stipulations it’s best to find out sooner than later. The bottom line is your illness is a part of your life and whoever decides to be in your life will have to accept that. Always remember your health comes first.

For more information go to www.parkinsonresearchfoundation.org

1 comment:

isabella said...


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